First of all, is it necessary to have your guests respond through RSVPs? The short answer is yes. You’ll need to know the exact number of people attending your wedding so you can finalize the headcount with your caterer, venue, and the like. And of course knowing who is sure to come will be a big help as you plan the seating chart – who should and shouldn’t sit next to one another (you get the picture!).

So, let’s talk about some of the etiquette surrounding the RSVP: When to send them, when to expect a response, what to do when the guest misses the deadline, and more. Keep reading!

Let’s quickly talk about the difference between the RSVP and the Save-the-Date. The RSVP is intended to confirm attendance to your wedding, which means a response is required from your guest. The Save the Date doesn’t necessarily require a response from your guest, but rather it is simply meant to announce the date and location of your wedding to give your guests a heads up.

You can send Save the Date cards much, much earlier. You can even send these out eight to twelve months ahead, so your guests can block off your wedding date on their calendars. Meanwhile, the RSVP is enclosed in the wedding invitation and usually sent out at least six to eight weeks before the wedding.

When should RSVPs be due you ask? Ideally, guests should reply right away. However, there are instances when life and the bustle of it all gets ahead of us. This is where a deadline comes in handy as it gives your guests a guide and reminder about the appropriate time to respond. Your initial deadline can be at least one month (or four weeks) before your wedding day, because typically vendors would require a final headcount around that same time. However, there is room for flexibility here. Your RSVP deadlines can depend on your suppliers’ requirements and if your guests are compliant. So, leave a bit of allowance for a final deadline at least two weeks before your wedding.

Here’s a specific tip if you’re planning to have a destination wedding whether locally or abroad. Send your invitations with RSVP details enclosed a lot sooner, let’s say, at least six to eight weeks before the wedding day. If you need more time to make travel and accommodation arrangements, then you can send out invitations and RSVPs a lot earlier, for example, three months ahead. Then, set a due date for RSVPs around six weeks ahead of the wedding.

If a guest misses your initial one month deadline, go ahead and reach out. Do your best to contact your guest through any communication channel possible. Since the deadline is still flexible, you can give them until two weeks before the wedding day like we previously mentioned. But what happens when they’ve passed the final deadline? If they have not responded to you at all, then it is acceptable to mark them as not attending. Out of courtesy, you may send a message expressing your regrets.

However, in the event that a guest confirms at the very last minute, then it’s up to you to decide if you can still squeeze them in. A good tip that we’ve heard from graduate brides is to have an allowance for the headcount. Allocate for more than who confirmed so that you can accommodate last minute guests and make sure that everyone gets to eat at the reception.

We hope these tips will be useful and practical for you, dear bride! If you have wedding etiquette questions, send them in the comments.