When you sign-up for marriage, you already know it comes with new responsibilities and new priorities… But one thing that’s sometimes overlooked is it also comes with a new set of parents! Marriage is not only between two people, but between two families and their unique histories and traditions. TV shows and sometimes even our own experiences have shown us that it is not always a smooth sailing when it comes to navigating relationships with in-laws. This doesn’t mean that it’s not worth trying or that genuine and loving bonds are out of reach. It’s actually very much worth the effort to develop sincere relationships and maintain the peace with ones your partner calls family. Keep on reading to learn more about the things you can do to avoid issues with your new in-laws. Good luck, newlyweds, you got this!
It’s human nature you’ll want to compare your new in-laws with your own parents or the on-screen portrayals you’ve seen in movies. This can be harmless as long as you give your in-laws a real chance to shine, without any pressure to meet your expectations. Make the effort to really get to know them and build relationships over common interests other than your spouse. If it comes naturally, then great, but if it doesn’t, that is also completely okay. Not sure where to start? Check out a few fun ways you can bond with your in-laws better here.
After marriage, you and your spouse are an unbreakable team. You are each other’s partner and biggest supporter. Don’t try and resolve conflict by involving your in-laws, nor should you attempt to recruit family to your side of an argument. Communicate openly and resolve any issues you have in private, so you show a strong and united front with your spouse. When you have a solid foundation, others are less likely to step around you and try and get an opposing response from your spouse.
You and your spouse grew up with different families and in different households. It is only normal that you learned to do things in different ways. What is important is to remind yourself that one way does not always have to be the right way and the other the wrong way. When you notice the differences in family gatherings, it may tempt you to correct their methods, but you cannot always insist your partner adjust to your way of doing things. Try and ask why they do things in that manner so you can understand better, but in the same way, you should not feel pressured to adjust your methods as well.
One common and straightforward way to do this is to live separately after marriage. While moving in with your in-laws may have its benefits, it is almost unavoidable to put a strain on your relationship when living under the same roof. Another simple way to set boundaries is to politely decline spur of the moment plans, especially in the first weeks following your baby’s delivery. Grandparents will be excited to dote and spoil their new grandchild, but Mom and Dad will also be exhausted from tending to the needs of a newborn. They’ve been through it before, so they will understand if you say you need time to prepare for any visit.
Don’t be afraid to talk about it when there are things that make you uncomfortable. If a favorite family meal is against your dietary restrictions or a family tradition is not aligned with your personal beliefs, it might be better to address it sooner rather than later. The solution could be as simple as preparing another delicious dish or having no hard feelings when you excuse yourself from that certain family activity. They may be simple fixes, but they will never materialize if don’t communicate your concerns. The key is to address your issues directly when appropriate, instead of asking your spouse to speak up for you, and to do it with care and respect.
It’s always a good idea to be kind and show appreciation. Whether your in-laws like to show their love by sending over home-cooked meals or inviting you over for family bonding, don’t forget to thank them for the thoughtful gesture. There will be times to hold your tongue when disagreements arise, but when it comes to saying thank you, allow gratitude to flow naturally. It definitely does wonders for any relationship when your effort is acknowledged, appreciated, and reciprocated.