Three months down and a lifetime to go. While three months is far too short to even begin mastering marriage, I’ve already learned so much in this period of time and wanted to write them down to memory. It turns out a lot of hard work goes into happily ever after. The king and the queen don’t always see eye to eye, and the castle (or in my case, the condo) does not magically clean itself. There’s no fairy godmother who can turn back time or make your problems disappear. No, marriage is not always like the fairytale. But, it can be a pretty amazing love story. To start documenting all the things I’ve learned so far, I’m sharing six lessons I’ve picked up from life as a Mrs. Do you have anything you’d like to add to the list? Share them with us in the comments section!
The first month or two was easy. We had our best foot forward and eagerly volunteered to do things for the other. Then slowly, the dishes started to stay longer on the table and the trash cans started to fill up a little faster. It was time to get our hands dirty and talk chores! It started as a rather even split of tasks, but we soon realized it was unrealistic to keep score. When he ends work late, I learned to just do things myself instead of making passive-agressive remarks. When I’m swamped with deadlines, he also learned to do the same. It will take time to adjust, we ourselves have yet to find that perfect balance, but we can attest that it does get better when you’re in it together.
It’s completely normal to have differing sleeping schedules with your significant other—opposites attract after all, right? When we first moved in together, I learned that he gets up first thing in the morning for meditation and me-time, while I prefer to wake up an hour later and get straight to work. He convinced me to give up pushing the snooze button and spend the first hours of my day for myself, in prayer, catching up on current events, or talking about our plans and objectives for the day. Not surprisingly, early morning coffee dates (in the comfort of our own kitchen) are now my favorite thing about mornings.
I’ve heard people describe compromise as a place where everybody loses and nobody wins. I beg to differ because I believe your marriage wins when you compromise. I have to admit, I am guilty of giving the silent treatment as a response to an argument. While that might have worked in the past, I wanted to take a different, more mature approach now that we’re married. I can’t genuinely promise to always compromise, but it helps to do these three things at the very least: I do my best to listen (without interrupting). I try to put myself in my husband’s shoes. I carefully weigh the options before we make the decision together.
We’ve always shared a Netflix account, but thanks to the power of separate profiles, I never really knew the content the Netflix algorithm recommended us were worlds apart. Instead of insisting we binge watch k-dramas every night, I realized his comic-verse series and action movies were not all that bad. We now happily alternate between his superheroes and my oppas for our movie nights. That’s compromise. In my own time, I still enjoy guilty pleasures like k-dramas and reality tv in the company of a glass of wine or my best girls.
Whether it’s a dinner date at the hip, new restaurant or a home-cooked date night in the living room, it’s important to make the extra effort and keep the romance alive. Especially now that we’re pretty much in athleisure all day, every day, we definitely notice and appreciate when the other dons a dressier ensemble. If putting on a pretty dress or applying his favorite cologne is something that makes him feel how much I value him, then it’s something I would love to do as often as possible.
If he couldn’t figure out why you were saying goodnight at 3PM when he was your boyfriend, chances are he still hasn’t learned to read your mind post-nuptials. Communication is key was probably the most popular piece of advice we received before marriage—but it is only now that we understood why. The temptation is stronger to make assumptions and have expectations since we’re together 24/7. However, this doesn’t change the fact that we still see and interpret things differently. Communicating my wants and needs often spells the difference between time spent arguing and time spent getting to know each other better.