From the moment word of your engagement gets out, the questions start pouring in. What church are you booking? When is the big day? What’s the dress code? And of course: Who are your bridesmaids going to be?
You might not even have decided yet and we urge you not to rush into it. Your bride tribe will play an important role in the wedding, whatever you envision that role to be. Still, choosing who to include comes easily to some, but for most of us it can be a bit of a challenge. So, we’ve put together this guide to help you figure things out. Read on!
You’ll make better decisions when you’re calm and not under any pressure. So don’t feel like you have to answer those prying questions right away. You can fend people off in a number of ways, but telling the honest truth makes for a safe approach. For example: “I haven’t decided yet and I’m taking my time. Besides, I’m not over the engagement high just yet!”
On a side note, while you don’t have to decide immediately, you do want the girls on board for a bulk of the planning process. So don’t dilly dally either! Once you’ve assembled, all the fun (and some work) can begin.
This is important and often overlooked or taken for granted. To your mind, what does it mean to be a bridesmaid? What does a bridesmaid do and what will their role in your wedding be? Do you picture them standing beside you just for the photographs or will they have a more active part to play, both in planning and on the day itself? In other words, is the role more symbolic or practical?
Asking these questions will help you determine your expectations and lay down your bridesmaids’ responsibilities clearly. You’ll want to select people who can realistically fulfill your expectations, whether practical or symbolic (or both). Having that picture of what a bridesmaid is in your mind will help you match the best girls in your life to the role.
Politics and drama do tend to creep into the picture, especially in Asian cultures (but not limited to them!). Some brides will feel obligated to include a distant cousin they hardly speak to and sometimes selection of the Maid of Honour becomes difficult because of jealousy among friends. Some brides even feel pressured to designate a friend as a bridesmaid because they were a bridesmaid at that friend’s wedding. These pressures feel heavy because they are focused on pleasing others more than they are about pleasing you. And while it is not bad at all to make others happy, this is your wedding and anything that makes you uncomfortable should be avoided at all costs.