Whenever someone asks me what it’s like to live together with someone, I always say “Masaya naman.” It’s a seemingly automated response, partly because I’m afraid of saying too much, and partly because I don’t think anyone would be too interested.
My now-husband and I have been together for almost a decade now. We tied the knot in Baguio City last December 2023, and needless to say, it was a magical day.
I’ve spent most of my last year thinking about the wedding, and not too much of what comes after. But four months into the post-wedded bliss, I guess I have a few sentiments that I hope one of you soon-to-be-weds finds comforting, if not useful.
When my husband and I got back from Baguio, we were supposed to come straight home to our new place. But halfway through the drive, I asked him, “Gusto mong ‘wag muna umuwi?”
We were both still on a wedding high, but we were also not yet ready to be on our own. Maybe it was trepidation, or maybe we just didn’t feel “adult enough” yet. Or perhaps, we’re just so close with our families that we found it hard to believe that we’re no longer going “home” to what feels familiar.
So, we stopped by my house first to see my mom and my brother, then we surprised his family by staying the night at his childhood home. One last night at his room, before officially leaving for his new one. We said a tearful goodbye to his family the next day. We promised to come visit every week, and even though we made good with that promise, we still felt sad over the life we were leaving behind.
I know this probably doesn’t need to be said, but the costs do gradually add up. This was something that we’ve prepared for, because two years into our relationship, we already started saving up for our wedding and what comes next. Still, there are so many things you need to purchase that you initially didn’t think you’d need.
It reinforced the idea that while it’s okay to splurge on items that are crucial for our long-term comfort and well-being, there are countless ways to save on other things without compromising on the warmth and style of our home. The key is to find a delicate balance in between, one that we continue to walk together to this day.
Ditching the traditional chore chart and the notion of a 50/50 split was one of the best decisions my husband and I made. Honestly, trying to keep score of who did what would probably drive us both nuts. Instead of meticulously dividing tasks, we adopted a more fluid approach, tuning into each other’s schedules and energy levels.
On days when work has me tied up, he seamlessly picks up the slack, tackling whatever needs to be done. And when he’s the one caught in a whirlwind of deadlines, I step in.
It’s not about keeping things equal. Personally, I don’t think that a marriage is completely 50/50 all the time. Some might call it unconventional, but for us, it works. It’s about being a team, picking up the slack for each other without keeping score. This way, chores don’t feel like chores, and they’re just another way we show up for each other. It makes our shared life smoother and, dare I say, a bit more fun.
When it comes to splitting and paying bills, we ride on a similar boat as to how we divide chores. And just like every newlywed couple, we had the same sitdown discussion where we laid out all the bills at the table. Everything from rent to the internet, and even those pesky little subscriptions that you forget about until they ding your bank account. We knew from the get-go that splitting everything down the middle wasn’t going to cut it for us, especially since we were bringing home different amounts of bacon.
It was a practical and fair decision, at least for us, understanding that partnership sometimes means adjusting the scales to balance the load between us.
Living together unveiled a whole new level of household upkeep that I never fully grasped before. Suddenly, the sink seemed to accumulate dishes faster than we could wash them, and dust had a knack for accumulating in the blink of an eye. It’s a never-ending battle against clutter and grime.
What really hit home was the realization that a weekly reset was so important to keeping our place in check. Taking the time daily to tackle the dishes and give everything a weekly once-over helped maintain a sense of order. And let me tell you, there’s nothing quite like the satisfaction of starting a new week with a clean slate.
Still, we find that a monthly deep clean is the best. It meant moving furniture, getting into those hard-to-reach corners, scrubbing floors, and banishing dust bunnies with a vengeance. It was a bit more of a chore, but the payoff of living in a clean and tidy space made it all worthwhile.
Never underestimate the power of a clean and organized home for your mental health and marriage. It just puts you both in a better mood.
As the boxes were unpacked and our belongings found their places in our new home, I braced myself na manibago, that sense of adjustment that comes with any major life change. But to my surprise, the transition was smoother than I could have ever imagined. It was as if we had been living together for years, effortlessly falling into a rhythm that felt natural and right.
Sure, we have our differences – he’s into gaming, I prefer losing myself in a good book – but those differences are what make our relationship so rich and fulfilling. We have our own hobbies and interests, but we also have plenty of things we love doing together.
Looking back, I realize that our seamless transition was the result of the strong foundation we had already built. We’ve always spent a lot of time together, whether it’s exploring new places or simply enjoying each other’s company at home. And those shared experiences laid the groundwork for our life together, making moving in feel like the most natural–and the most fun–thing in the world.
So, if you ask me now, what’s it like to move in together for the first time? It’s a hodgepodge of emotions and bills and a constant need to wipe down the kitchen counters. What it also is, is a whole lot of teamwork, communication, and love that understands. I wish I could better put it into words, but I hope you can catch a glimpse of it through our story. It’s messy, it’s beautiful, and it’s ours. Masaya naman.