I got engaged in the middle of December 2022, right as the holiday rush was ebbing and I was knee-deep in deadlines for both work and school. It was undoubtedly one of the happiest days of my life, but amidst the excitement, I also felt a wave of overwhelm wash over me. As I stared at the beautiful ring, a persistent question haunted me: What now?

In the days that followed, as congratulations poured in and the reality of planning a wedding began to dawn on me, I couldn’t help but feel disconnected. While everyone around me seemed to expect immediate enthusiasm for wedding venues, dresses, and themes, I found myself struggling to share their excitement.

Trust me, it’s surprisingly common to feel detached from the stereotypical bridal euphoria. Not everyone has dreamt of their wedding day since childhood, and that’s totally okay. Here’s a comforting reminder: Your wedding is your day, and there’s no one-size-fits-all way to celebrate it.

The truth is, the bridal industry often paints a picture of what it thinks a bride should be: Perpetually smiling, obsessed with details from the floral arrangements to the frosting on the cake. But let’s be real, not everyone fits this mold. Some might find joy in the small details, while others might feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of decisions.

If you’re feeling more stressed than special, it might be time to step back and reassess what truly matters to you and your partner. This day is about your bond and your future together, not just about the event itself.

Who says a bride has to wear white, spend a fortune on a venue, or even have a cake? If traditional trappings don’t excite you, ditch them! Wear a color that makes you feel fabulous, opt for a casual backyard barbecue instead of a formal dinner, or go for doughnuts or a dessert bar instead of a tiered wedding cake. Remember, unconventional choices can also create unforgettable memories.

Think about what makes the two of you happy. Is it traveling? Consider a destination wedding or a smaller ceremony with a larger honeymoon. Love the great outdoors? Why not exchange vows in a national park or on a beach at sunset? By focusing on what you both genuinely enjoy, you can create a celebration that feels more personal and less pressured.

Many couples experience these feelings and still end up having meaningful celebrations. Talk about your feelings with friends who are already married, and you might find yourself surprised at how many will share their own stories of pre-wedding disinterest or stress. Sometimes, just knowing that your feelings are normal can be incredibly reassuring.

At the end of the day, your wedding should reflect who you are as a couple. It’s perfectly fine to feel underwhelmed by what excites others. Embrace your unique perspective and craft a day that feels right to you. After all, the most important thing is that you’re making a commitment to the person you love, and that’s what really counts.

So, let go of the expectations, do it your way, and step into this next chapter in your life feeling confident that it’s not about the pomp and circumstance—it’s about love, in whatever form that takes for you.